If Tomorrow Starts Without Me - David Romano

Attended a funeral yesterday and this poem was shared.

I loved it, and ofcourse Rick and I couldn't help but imagine Rod and Anna speaking these words to us. And of course my Mom who never wanted me to have an unhappy day.

It comes from a book ; 'Proof of Heaven' , I just put it on my IPad and can't wait to read it.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me - David Romano

IF tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.

I know how much you care for me,
and how much I care for you,
and each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life,
I'd always thought I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.

it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
I thought, just for a while,
I'd say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realised that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you,
and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity and all I've promised you,
Today your life on earth is past but here it's starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last.
and since each day's the same,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting, so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.

And you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me?

"So if tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
please know I'm in your heart.

LOVE

During a family home evening discussion all snuggled on our bed we discussed prayer, I asked the kids to each share an experience with prayer. Our kids amaze me. They've been through SO much, and yet keep a positive , faithful attitude.

Emma shared a story about her Mom; Anna and an experience they had when Anna burnt herself with a boiling pot of spaghetti.
I'm learning Anna was super woman. Despite the loss of a leg to cancer, she continued to care for her family as any Mom with two legs. Sometimes though the lack of a leg got the best of her and in this instance she slipped and the boiling water scalded her back and legs. Such an amazing and sad story. Mostly amazing though.
As Caleb recounted getting instructions from Dad over the phone and getting his scouting book out to read up on dealing with burns and shock.
Emma recounted going in her room and praying '100 times'; please don't let Mom die.

The Dial Davies family often sit around and tell stories about Anna and Rod.

After family home evening Rick and I were sitting on the bed talking and he told me how Emma's story took him back to that day. Anna's strength, her pain, the shock, and her sense of humor all showed through as he recounted the story.

Then silence as I allowed him to have that quiet 'Anna' moment, a time to acknowledge a relationship that continues even in death. A love that never dies.

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable acknowledging missing Rod or any grief now that Rick and I are married. Perhaps y'all will think I don't love Rick, that its just a marriage of companionship. And so I tend to keep my grieving either to myself or between Rick and I.

Ironically I worry that the world will think I love Rick less because I still grieve and miss Rod.
And yet, the person who gets it the most is Rick.

Just as I get it when he misses Anna. I'm honored when he shares those 'Anna' moments with me.

Truth: As strange as this may seem to you, Anna and Rod are part of our daily lives and conversation. We don't let each other forget. We love them and continue to miss them everyday. I wish I could explain it better.

People have commented that I'm not a widow since I've remarried. Certainly they tell me I can't play the 'widow' card anymore.
Ok I understand I can't play the widow card anymore to get what I want.
But we will always be widows.
Death of your other half changes you forever!
Or at least for this life.

We move forward the best we can, we remarry and build new relationships.
We even feel joy that we didn't think would come again.
And we love new people in a new way.
So while happiness may abound, there is always , always a shadow or a remembrance that we have come through something we wouldn't wish on anyone.

I've learned something about love. The love I used to know involved jealousy and fairy tales. I think after coming through this experience I get a glimpse of God's love. No jealousy or pettiness, or other human weaknesses. Our hearts have grown, our capacity to love has expanded as we have blended our lives and our children.

That expanded knowledge of love is a gift that I am grateful I have learned and felt. Even though it came at such a high cost.

Don't be perfect

I borrow this from a blog I recently started following (Momastery)
I believe it.
I try to follow it, when I remember to not care what people think:

"Also, I would like to publicly state my secret opinion that it is a BAD PARENT thing to do to try to be a PERFECT PARENT. Because our kids might grow up to be parents. And they will likely compare their parenting to how we parented them. And if they are under the impression that we were “perfect,” their parent guilt will be through the roof and will likely need even more pills and therapy and financially irresponsible trips to Home Goods than we do. And so I think it is a GOOD PARENT strategy to let your imperfect flag fly and make lots of mistakes and relax a little too much, so that our kids have a lot of room for improvement. So that eventually they will feel GOOD about themselves as parents. Don’t steal their future thunder, is all I’m saying. Take a load off, for THEM, and their future credit card bills."

The awesome Red Barn

We live on some land that has a big red barn. Every year we co host with neighbors and our church a Fall Festival. It's such a fun event. The barn is filled with games and prizes for the kids. Always chili and a bake off. And then a trunk or treat at the end.

Last night was the 6th annual Fall Festival; it used to be one of Rods favorite days of the whole year.

It's become a barometer of my emotional well being.

We had a Fall Fest 5 weeks after Rod died. 5 weeks! I walked around holding my brand new puppy Faith. the entire night i was surrounded on both sides by my girls. I think mostly my daughters , but also by my girlfriends. No one left me alone, thankfully. i was still in that tender, sad, shocked stage.

Last year was better, I'd just passed the one year mark. I was feeling better, i was acclimating to the new normal.

Crazy busy as a single Mom. And yet i was proud of my independence in providing for and raising my kids. It wasn't what i wanted, but i was doing my best with what had been handed me.

When the Fall Festival came around again though, I was reminded very poignantly that Rod was not present.

I was present that year at the Fall Festival but I didn't help much. Just showing up was all I wanted to do.

This year's Fall Festival; just over 2 years after Rods death- it felt like the fog had been lifted! I felt joy that one of Rods favorite traditions was going on. Felt joy that his presence and memory was felt and remembered with happiness.

I was Involved. I helped, I cleaned my house, cooked 500! Hot dogs! 19 gallons of hot chocolate.
It felt good.

Rick was so great. Such a good sport. He has a wonderful way of allowing Rods memory and or presence be felt and yet still be there and be part of building new happy memories and traditions for myself and the kids. I love him and the blended life we are building.

Hope I'm doing the same with Anna's memory...
I think he would say I am.

Possible titles for this blog post:

Yours mine and ours
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
A blended family

Most often question since Rick and I have been married;
(usually with a tilt of the head and a sympathetic look) "Hows the blending going?" I guess our society is used to Cinderella, her evil Step Mom (wait that would be me!!) and evil step sisters. (Elyse, Kyria, Nikka:: what have you done ;~))

I thought of this as i was in the kitchen the other night and noticed Joseph (15) and Caleb (13) sitting together on the couch sharing a computer screen.

Me: "I dont want to jinx anything but everybody always thinks this whole blending thing is going to be a problem, I wish they could see this moment"

Caleb: "You better knock on wood"

Joseph: (without being able to keep a straight face, and nudging Caleb):
"Dude get away from me"

Caleb: Tried to respond but laughed instead. A deep happy laugh I had never heard before.

Hearing that true happiness in Calebs voice made me want to go and find Rick and share with him. I even asked the boys to reenact the whole scene for Ricks benefit. They did playfully.

Luke and Caleb came home from a week at scout camp in June as best friends. Truly remarkable as they dont tend to have the same interests. I asked Caleb to please keep an eye on Luke as it was his first year and I just tend to baby Luke. Caleb really did. More then one person told me that Caleb referred to Luke as his 'bro' the entire week.

Our family has chosen not to use the word; 'Step", our kids have easily been able to refer to eachother as sister and brother. When there is an explanation necessary, we say 'bonus sister/brother' or bonus Mom or Dad.

And as Rick and I have tried to blend the family rules, the kids have been very patient. Here's the deal; Rod and I and Rick and Anna have all raised our kids rather traditionally and conservatively. Our definitions have not always been the same though. So there have been things that, for example my kids couldnt do, the Davies family could do, and visa versa.

The kids tend to benefit as we are sensitive to asking them to make too many additional sacrifices. Rick reminds me that Rod and I have successfully raised 4 children who love God and family above all else. i say if it was good enough for Anna Davies its OK with me. (She was and is a remarkable person, and so is Rick! Cant give her all the credit for these two great kids) So we tend to let some rules bend a bit.

The Dial Davies house has been a little crazier, a little dirtier. The Davies have learned if they want their laundry done more often then every couple weeks, they need to do it themselves. The Dial's have learned to slow down a bit

Caleb mentioned its hard to get bored at our house as there is always someone coming or going or something going on. This makes Emma's head spin sometimes as she is a bit of a homebody and doesn't like her schedule too full.

As the Davies have gotten settled; they have won the hearts of everyone around us. One of my bff's said to me the other day: I already love those two kids like they really were yours"

Caleb has been such a good example to my kids of hard work and getting his chores done in a timely manner. I actually felt the need to start paying Caleb for some 'above and beyond' chores. That kid will work and work.

Emma, well anyone who knows her knows she is pretty much the perfect child. Case in point: I told her how excited I was to have a young daughter I could buy new clothes for. Her response: "I dont really need new clothes, I have plenty. But thank you"

OH and all of us, but especially Caleb and Emma have benefitted from Rick working from home. He stays busy and in his office, but they know they can go in and see him whenever they want. This is a perk Rod always had and I think why he had such a special bond with the kids.

Here's our big problem, I will share our family secret - I may actually go crazy with this one... The two extra kids, going from 6 to 8 is a piece of cake. Especially since there were only two left at home. Now having 4 is easy! Plus Nikka is here and has been very helpful getting kids where they need to be and hanging with them while I work.

Its the dogs people! I already had 3, 2 too many!!! Adding a 4th dog, put me over the edge!!! Dobby Davies is a sweet dog and gets along well with others. Its not Dobby, its Dobby, Millie,Jack and Faith combined! Killing me. Havent tried it, but pretty sure there isnt enough Xanax on the planet to make 4 dogs OK. We ordered 3 bark collars, but only one has come. So whoever barks the most gets the shock collar. Dobby wins everyday. The good news is Dobby doesnt bark now with that collar on. The bad news is Emma is pretty sure the cruelty is more then she can handle.
Disclaimer: It is turned all the way down, and sometimes not even on. The whole Pavlov's dog thing...
Anyways Emma doesnt like it! I dont put it on, in order to keep my wonderful bonus Mom reputation, Rick does it. In fact I feel so bad for Emma that sometimes Ill take it off just to earn points.

It occurred to me the other night that this may lead Emma to therapy later in life and the therapist, in listening to this, may become convinced that she suppressed some real abuse by her evil bonus Mom, and that it had nothing to do with Dobby at all.

Because of this paranoia on my part; In the end, Emma and Dobby may win and Rick and I will get ear plugs!

So there you go, I share my long journal entry on blending with my blogger friends. Neither Rick nor I chose this life. Death stinks and causes lots of suffering. We both made the best of it alone. Together is much better though, it's so much better to have someone to share the burdens with. Someone to have your back. Someone to love your kids like you do. I'm seeing why we are taught in the bible: "It's not good for man (or woman) to be alone.

The Dial Davies Family

May 25, 2012

An Announcement

Wait for it.....

Rods Dad died when he was 7. He often shared with me the frustration he felt that his mom never remarried. "There arent any men as good of a man as your Dad" She would say.

Rod wondered; 'wouldn't a good dad be better then no dad?' Even if he isn't as good as my own Dad'? Luckily Rod was surrounded by wonderful men at church and through scouting that gave him the influence he needed to become a great man. My boys have the same influence and I'm so grateful.

Later in life Rod worried about who his Mom had become; lonely , bitter, selfish. Not a bad selfish; just not used to living with someone else.

Rod would tell me if I died he'd remarry.
NO! That hurt my feelings, wasn't I his one and only ?
And then i dreamed he'd live all his days missing me and waiting for us to be together for eternity?!
His response; "I love being married too much. I'd be miserable single. And I don't want you to change and become lonely and bitter. I'd want you to remarry too."
At this point Id get nasty; 'what if I don't want to?'

At one point I even said to him; "Well atleast wait two years to pretend like you missed me" His reply; "For the record, I give you no such rules, stipulations or timeline.

These were fun conversations to test him to prove his love for me. Never, never, never! did I ever think I would think back on these conversations so much looking for guidance.

Once I hit the year mark of widowhood, Dating opportunites started;

WHAT?!?!?!

I wasn't ready for that. But they were fun! They combatted the 'friday night funk'; the worst night, the night when usually Rod and I would go on a date. A night just about us. And now that night was lonely and quiet. Except during HS basketball season, then its fun and exciting and keeps the boys and I busy.

Enter Rick Davies; a fellow widower that used to live in our area until they moved away two+ years ago to Mesa for better cancer treatment for Anna his beloved wife and to be closer to her family.

I knew Anna, but not well. I heard her speak once and she was great! Such a positive attitude despite having lost a leg to this awful cancer that would eventually take her life.

Rod knew Anna; they worked together a little at church. I remember speaking to Rod about her after hearing her speak. I wondered aloud why our life was so easy while others had to suffer so. ( a little premature comment)

Sadly Anna passed away last year. Leaving Rick and kids Caleb 13 and Emma 10 alone and going through what my children and I had just gone through.

As I normally do when I hear about this awful thing happening; I send a sympathetic email. I share what has helped my family and myself; specifically a book entitled "The Message' by Lance Richardson and the lds widow and widowers facebook page. A closed private group that truly has been better then any therapy I've attended.

I was SO careful in that email; I wasn't reaching out in any way other then wanting to be of help to another parent having lost their beloved spouse and partner in parenting. (Rick received other email from women who WERE interested. He says you can tell the difference in my very safe email and the others) My intentions were pure, not romantic, no way!

Time passed and Rick emailed me back thanking me for the info. The widows website was proving to be helpful to get him through the lonely nights. An email correspondence began; we grew up in the same stake in San Diego, we attended the same high school. His family lived in the same military housing in San Diego that Rod and his family had lived in.

His wife Anna lived in Spokane at the same time Rod and I did in our early married years.

Then there was the Austin connections; SO many mutual friends.

SO many ways our lives had intersected through the years; is it true that coincidence is Gods way of staying anonymous?

After a while Rick asked if he could come to Texas and take me on a date. Well I said yes and then I hurried and started asking people who knew him, 'Is he a good guy? Is he weird? Please please please tell me, any red flags?'

Nope none, just all good things to say about him. Darn , ok, I'll let him come to Texas and take me out.

In the meantime; we became such good friends over the phone, logging 121 hours before our first date. (Yep, I counted up the hours) Crazy! The whole time I thought, "well he will make some woman really happy. And I've made a lifelong friend" I also thought it was too bad I wasn't ready for a great guy like him.

First weekend went really, really, really well, and so it began. Months of weekends would follow. Then combined family trips, they all went well. And kept getting better and better.

I was pretty sneaky traveling and dating; very few people knew what I was up to. I had my reasons. Most of them proved unfounded.

Mainly I didn't want anyone to feel that I was forgetting Rod, or Rick was forgetting Anna.

Quite the contrary, being with a fellow widow allows you the opportunity to always feel free to talk about your spouse. They get it. They know the love that you've lost and miss.

If I did fall in love and remarry I wanted it to be someone my kids loved.
And he had to be a good Dad.

I found that someone.

I feel like some of my kids fell for Rick before I did, but they'd disagree. They do love him though. You know how the Dial kids feel about you based on whether or not they've nicknamed you.

He has nicknames.
Elyse: RickRoss
Kyria: Santorum
Luke and I: Davies

I love watching my youngest Luke interact with Rick. Luke believes, as do I that Dad brought Rick to us.

There is a favorite quote among my widow and widower brother and sisters:

SOMETIMES THE DEEPEST HEALING COMES FROM THE NATURAL FIT BETWEEN TWO WOUNDED PEOPLE'S LIVES.

So here's my simple announcement:

The Dial Family and Davies Family are coming together. Rick and I will be married soon in the San Diego LDS Temple. A small family affair.

The Dial Davies will live in Texas at Martins Cove , in front of the big red barn.

I'm happy. I'm grateful. I think Rod is proud of me. I think Anna is proud of Rick.

A Widows view

Welcome to Holland
By Carol Turkngton

You are planning a vacation to Italy. You're all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport.

Only when you land, the flight attendant says, "Welcome to Holland". You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying, "Holland? What are you talking about? I signed up for Italy." But they explain that there's been a change of plan, that you've landed in Holland and you must stay there.
"But I don't know anything about Holland" you say. "I don't want to stay".

But stay you do. You go out and buys some new guide books, you learn some new phrases and you meet people you never knew existed. The important thing is that you are not in a slum full of pestilence and famine. You are simply in a different place than you had planned. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you've been here a little while and you've had a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts.

But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They are all bragging about what a great time they had there, and for the rest of your life, you'll say, "yes, that's what I had planned."

The pain of this loss will never go away because the loss of that plan is a very, very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Merry Christmas 2011

My children tell me I must send out a Christmas letter so everyone knows we are okay. Well we are okay, however, if I have to get the kids together to pose for a picture, get the pics printed, buy cards, postage, send the cards etc.. then I may NOT be okay. Modern Technology will have to suffice to save my sanity.

The Dial family is moving forward and healing. There is never a day that goes by that we don't think about or talk about Rod. We are very blessed to have such great memories. We feel his presence as we recognize he watches out for us from a different place. And we believe wholeheartedly that we will be with him again someday.

Family time and travelling have been a great healer and distraction so we have taken some fun trips.

Last Thanksgiving we spent a fabulous week in Chicago with Rodney, Kylee and Kylee's family. I love that 'we' married into the Eyre family.

Last Christmas was spent in San Diego with Uncle Jerry (my little brother), Aunt Darla and their kids. Our trip included a few days in Baja California building a chain link fence at one of our favorite orphanages. In honor of Rod they had us plant a lima' tree. Very fitting if you've ever eaten out with Rod and he's asked for bowls and bowl of limes from the server to make his infamous limeade.

This Thanksgiving we went on a cruise out of New Orleans. Such a fun trip! The Eyres and Lowes accompanied us. We drove to New Orleans and spent a day exploring before boarding the ship

This Christmas we will be staying home and enjoying the new house which was finished in May.

Other trips in 2011 included:
January: I was able to return to Chicago to go to the Oprah show! Knocking something off the bucket list.
March: Nikka, Joseph and Luke spent Spring Break in Chicago and had so much fun.
May: I went to Utah over Mother’s Day weekend to visit Kyria. I returned to the best surprise! Nikka had orchestrated (with major assistance of friends and church members), our very own Extreme Home Makeover. I was all moved into my new house! It was a dream come true.
June: Rodney kept up his Dads tradition of taking the little boys to Father Son bball camp at BYU. Luke also was able to attend a week long basketball camp in Utah that month.
July: California for lots of beach time, wonderful weather and of course the annual Baja Orphanage trip. So great to keep that tradition going even without Rod to guide us.

The trips are slowing down as I'm learning how to budget (that is a bad word and I can't believe I said it). Though I do go to Utah often, its not my favorite destination spot but with 3 of my kids there - it holds half my heart. So Im there as often as possible.

Rodney and Kylee are still living in downtown Chicago...for a few more months anyways. Rodney was just accepted to Stanford Business school. He'll be getting his MBA, and starts in September. Yes he's a smart one. He's also a smart aleck; and he has yet to grow out of tormenting and teasing his younger siblings. Luckily they take it better and don't come crying to Mom quite as often. Rodney works as a marketing manager at Fenwal (ok I don't really know if thats what he does, but I DO know he works at Fenwal) he also serves as the president of the Young Men's organization at church in their downtown Chicago ward. Two weeks ago he texted me to tell me Donny Osmond was in their church.

Kylee aka; the BEST daughter in law ever! I won the jackpot when Rodney married her. And the good news is she seems to like me too. She tells me she hears others complain about their Mother in law and is very grateful she doesn't have those problems. You see why I love love love her! Anyways, she works as an event planner for Franklin Covey - the perfect job for her in my opinion. Again, I'm not sure what she does, something about planning really big events for Franklin Covey, hence 'event planner' I DO know I'd be happy to let her plan all my vacations for the rest of my life.

They are very good at taking advantage of the downtown Chicago life, I love to hear of their adventures and fantastic restaurants they find. In September they went on an Alaskan Cruise and were surprised to find they and their friends were the only people on the boat (besides the employees) who didn't have gray hair.

'Rod's girls' as they like to call themselves

Elyse (pictured in the center) is living back in Utah. She works in the corporate office for 'Kid to Kid'. 2011 found Elyse becoming a 'Yogi', not as in bear but as in Yoga. When she was still in Austin she would try and get anyone to join her in a downward dog or sun salutation. I think that was the influence of living in downtown Austin, she adopted the 'keep austin weird' mantra.

I love visiting her in her Salt Lake town house. Very grown up. She also just bought her first, nice, grown up car. When I pointed out to her that Dad and I needed a co signer for our first car, she said; "See! I needed someone to appreciate this accomplishment" She has grown into an amazing woman and I count her among one of my best friends and confidantes.

Kyria (right) spent spring and summer here at home with me. She was my roomie; literally we shared my bedroom. We had such a fun time! She is back at UVU majoring in Elementary Education. She is going to be an incredible 2nd grade teacher. Kyria is an Intramural star! I'm pretty sure the media are alerted whenever she has a game. Her fan club is quite large at all of her games, which include; Basketball, Football, Dodge ball, and she's just added a Triathlon intramural league (not sure how that works). She is better then any of the guys usually, which throws them off, they see her beauty and don't expect the braun behind it.

Nikka (left) was accepted to BYU!!!! And began in the fall. She is loving her college and dorm life. I think she has adjusted to moving away better then me. I miss her terribly, now that I'm the only girl in the house. Nikka also helped so much with the boys. Kyria gets her to play in the intramurals and like a good little sister she obliges.

In October I took both Kyria and Nikka to see Garth Brooks in Vegas. It was their Christmas AND Birthday present, yes its that expensive. Kyria says it was a life defining moment. It was pretty cool! And something we will never forget.

Joseph 14; aka; Josey, aka; Rods mini me. Seriously this boy looks more and more like Rod everyday. And watching him play any sport is like watching his Dad. Its uncanny and such a treat for me.

Josey started high school this year. He also made the freshmen basketball team. So fun to be going to those games again. I've missed it. I don't like it when people tell Joseph he's the 'man of the house now', I quickly remind him that NO, he gets to still be a kid. (Luckily that doesn't happen too much) However he has become quite my little right hand man. Always willing to help me with anything around the house. Together he and I have tackled many home projects I'd never thought I could do.

Josephs voice is so deep, the other day I thought a man had come in the house uninvited. I thought about looking for one of their fake airsoft guns that look real to scare away the 'intruder'. Joseph said; "You were going to shoot me?!"

Luke 11; (far right) attended the BYU / Texas game with friends. He stayed true to his siblings and parents alma mater by representing well in a sea of burnt orange. Luke began middle school. I can't believe my baby boy is in middle school! He, like Joseph is always willing to help.

Luke also hasn't grown out of and hopefully never will grow out of always being ready for a hug, kiss or snuggle. He reminds the whole family when we are together that its 'snuggle' time. He is also quite the 'baller' like his Dad and brothers. He debates often which NBA team will want him more when he graduates college.

And then there's Me! I wish I could adequately convey the depth of gratitude I feel at the love and support that has been shown to me and my kids. I told a friend today that I hope to someday be the kind of friend that he and his wife have been to our family during this past 15 months. And I feel that about many friends and family.

I have stayed busy working and have been able to provide as needed for my family. What a blessing! Thank you to all the friends and past clients for the referrals.

I'm slowly, very slowly getting back into running and exercise. The powdered sugar donuts I breathed in like air the whole year after Rod died were not kind to my health. Which is a nice way to say I gained way too much weight. Nikka and I have pinky swore to once again do the Cap Tex triathlon next year, that always gets me back into shape. I'll let you know how that commitment pans out, stay tuned...And I'll let you know if Nikka actually does it this time.

I love love love being in the new house, I designed it so its a treat to see it and live in it.

I miss having all the kids at home and get SO happy when they are all together. Its just too quiet with only the 2 boys and seems so weird. To compensate for the lack of children around; the boys and I got another little dog Jack and 6 chickens. The chickens have been keeping me and the neighbors stocked with fresh yummy eggs.

So there you go kids, the best Mom can do at a Christmas card or letter!

We hope all of our friends and family have a wonderful holiday season. We are grateful for this time of year to be reminded of our Saviors love and sacrifice for all of His children. The Dial Family has truly felt the healing balm of the Atonement in our lives.

Loves to y'all! Jennifer

Catching up.....with Technology

Before Rod died I loved to hit the trail; nearly every day. Either a 2 mile run or a 4 mile walk depending on the day or the friends. With my crazy friends I'd do the 4 mile run! I trained for my first little triathlon on that trail.

BTW in this picture Rodney isn't checking his texts but rather getting his phone ready to take a picture of me as I crossed the finish line. He could've done this race in triple time but he stayed with me through it all. Still get choked up thinking about what my wonderful son did with me that day.

After Rod died I substituted the trail for powdered sugar donuts and coke. I know, I know bad, bad habits. Couldn't seem to help it. I physically couldn't get myself to the trail...or to exercise at all for that matter! So fascinating how different grief is for everyone. Another widow friend couldn't sit still and lost as much weight as I gained. ( She looks fabulous and I'm trying to follow her example now )

Did I avoid the trail because it's part of Brushy Creek? I don't know, maybe, probably. Did I avoid it because sometimes Rod would go there with me? Maybe, probably. Whatever reason I pretty much avoided moving at all, something I used to really enjoy.

Well I'm getting back to the trail and back to moving. And with the lapse in time their have been some cool new apps I've discovered! I <3 Radio for one! Specifically the spin cycle station. Wow! And I can listen to local morning stations, atleast some of them.

Nike gps, Double Wow! I'd been asking for a gps watch when I was actively running. Nope! Don't need one anymore. Nike gps was free and even has Lance Armstrong telling me 'good job!' even though I only did 2.22 miles at a snails pace. Lance was proud of me!

Rod almost knew Lance....well he did all his driveways so he knew his whole crew and staff. So it's almost like Rod saying he was proud of me. Not really. In fact a little too far reaching even for a crazy widow.

I know this is probably all old news to many of you. To say I've been a little out of it lately, well an understatement. So I'm pretty excited about this 'new to me' technology. Heard something very wise recently:
'The definition of discipline is remembering what you want!'
That's right! I just remembered I want to be healthy! I don't want to be a giant powdered sugar donut.

Anyways...14 months and sometimes I see glimpses of the Jennifer I used to know and love. I know with time she'll come back more and more.