If Tomorrow Starts Without Me - David Romano

Attended a funeral yesterday and this poem was shared.

I loved it, and ofcourse Rick and I couldn't help but imagine Rod and Anna speaking these words to us. And of course my Mom who never wanted me to have an unhappy day.

It comes from a book ; 'Proof of Heaven' , I just put it on my IPad and can't wait to read it.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me - David Romano

IF tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.

I know how much you care for me,
and how much I care for you,
and each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life,
I'd always thought I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.

it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
I thought, just for a while,
I'd say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realised that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you,
and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity and all I've promised you,
Today your life on earth is past but here it's starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last.
and since each day's the same,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting, so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.

And you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me?

"So if tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
please know I'm in your heart.

LOVE

During a family home evening discussion all snuggled on our bed we discussed prayer, I asked the kids to each share an experience with prayer. Our kids amaze me. They've been through SO much, and yet keep a positive , faithful attitude.

Emma shared a story about her Mom; Anna and an experience they had when Anna burnt herself with a boiling pot of spaghetti.
I'm learning Anna was super woman. Despite the loss of a leg to cancer, she continued to care for her family as any Mom with two legs. Sometimes though the lack of a leg got the best of her and in this instance she slipped and the boiling water scalded her back and legs. Such an amazing and sad story. Mostly amazing though.
As Caleb recounted getting instructions from Dad over the phone and getting his scouting book out to read up on dealing with burns and shock.
Emma recounted going in her room and praying '100 times'; please don't let Mom die.

The Dial Davies family often sit around and tell stories about Anna and Rod.

After family home evening Rick and I were sitting on the bed talking and he told me how Emma's story took him back to that day. Anna's strength, her pain, the shock, and her sense of humor all showed through as he recounted the story.

Then silence as I allowed him to have that quiet 'Anna' moment, a time to acknowledge a relationship that continues even in death. A love that never dies.

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable acknowledging missing Rod or any grief now that Rick and I are married. Perhaps y'all will think I don't love Rick, that its just a marriage of companionship. And so I tend to keep my grieving either to myself or between Rick and I.

Ironically I worry that the world will think I love Rick less because I still grieve and miss Rod.
And yet, the person who gets it the most is Rick.

Just as I get it when he misses Anna. I'm honored when he shares those 'Anna' moments with me.

Truth: As strange as this may seem to you, Anna and Rod are part of our daily lives and conversation. We don't let each other forget. We love them and continue to miss them everyday. I wish I could explain it better.

People have commented that I'm not a widow since I've remarried. Certainly they tell me I can't play the 'widow' card anymore.
Ok I understand I can't play the widow card anymore to get what I want.
But we will always be widows.
Death of your other half changes you forever!
Or at least for this life.

We move forward the best we can, we remarry and build new relationships.
We even feel joy that we didn't think would come again.
And we love new people in a new way.
So while happiness may abound, there is always , always a shadow or a remembrance that we have come through something we wouldn't wish on anyone.

I've learned something about love. The love I used to know involved jealousy and fairy tales. I think after coming through this experience I get a glimpse of God's love. No jealousy or pettiness, or other human weaknesses. Our hearts have grown, our capacity to love has expanded as we have blended our lives and our children.

That expanded knowledge of love is a gift that I am grateful I have learned and felt. Even though it came at such a high cost.