LOVE

During a family home evening discussion all snuggled on our bed we discussed prayer, I asked the kids to each share an experience with prayer. Our kids amaze me. They've been through SO much, and yet keep a positive , faithful attitude.

Emma shared a story about her Mom; Anna and an experience they had when Anna burnt herself with a boiling pot of spaghetti.
I'm learning Anna was super woman. Despite the loss of a leg to cancer, she continued to care for her family as any Mom with two legs. Sometimes though the lack of a leg got the best of her and in this instance she slipped and the boiling water scalded her back and legs. Such an amazing and sad story. Mostly amazing though.
As Caleb recounted getting instructions from Dad over the phone and getting his scouting book out to read up on dealing with burns and shock.
Emma recounted going in her room and praying '100 times'; please don't let Mom die.

The Dial Davies family often sit around and tell stories about Anna and Rod.

After family home evening Rick and I were sitting on the bed talking and he told me how Emma's story took him back to that day. Anna's strength, her pain, the shock, and her sense of humor all showed through as he recounted the story.

Then silence as I allowed him to have that quiet 'Anna' moment, a time to acknowledge a relationship that continues even in death. A love that never dies.

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable acknowledging missing Rod or any grief now that Rick and I are married. Perhaps y'all will think I don't love Rick, that its just a marriage of companionship. And so I tend to keep my grieving either to myself or between Rick and I.

Ironically I worry that the world will think I love Rick less because I still grieve and miss Rod.
And yet, the person who gets it the most is Rick.

Just as I get it when he misses Anna. I'm honored when he shares those 'Anna' moments with me.

Truth: As strange as this may seem to you, Anna and Rod are part of our daily lives and conversation. We don't let each other forget. We love them and continue to miss them everyday. I wish I could explain it better.

People have commented that I'm not a widow since I've remarried. Certainly they tell me I can't play the 'widow' card anymore.
Ok I understand I can't play the widow card anymore to get what I want.
But we will always be widows.
Death of your other half changes you forever!
Or at least for this life.

We move forward the best we can, we remarry and build new relationships.
We even feel joy that we didn't think would come again.
And we love new people in a new way.
So while happiness may abound, there is always , always a shadow or a remembrance that we have come through something we wouldn't wish on anyone.

I've learned something about love. The love I used to know involved jealousy and fairy tales. I think after coming through this experience I get a glimpse of God's love. No jealousy or pettiness, or other human weaknesses. Our hearts have grown, our capacity to love has expanded as we have blended our lives and our children.

That expanded knowledge of love is a gift that I am grateful I have learned and felt. Even though it came at such a high cost.