Sunday, October 28, 2012

The awesome Red Barn

We live on some land that has a big red barn. Every year we co host with neighbors and our church a Fall Festival. It's such a fun event. The barn is filled with games and prizes for the kids. Always chili and a bake off. And then a trunk or treat at the end.

Last night was the 6th annual Fall Festival; it used to be one of Rods favorite days of the whole year.

It's become a barometer of my emotional well being.

We had a Fall Fest 5 weeks after Rod died. 5 weeks! I walked around holding my brand new puppy Faith. the entire night i was surrounded on both sides by my girls. I think mostly my daughters , but also by my girlfriends. No one left me alone, thankfully. i was still in that tender, sad, shocked stage.

Last year was better, I'd just passed the one year mark. I was feeling better, i was acclimating to the new normal.

Crazy busy as a single Mom. And yet i was proud of my independence in providing for and raising my kids. It wasn't what i wanted, but i was doing my best with what had been handed me.

When the Fall Festival came around again though, I was reminded very poignantly that Rod was not present.

I was present that year at the Fall Festival but I didn't help much. Just showing up was all I wanted to do.

This year's Fall Festival; just over 2 years after Rods death- it felt like the fog had been lifted! I felt joy that one of Rods favorite traditions was going on. Felt joy that his presence and memory was felt and remembered with happiness.

I was Involved. I helped, I cleaned my house, cooked 500! Hot dogs! 19 gallons of hot chocolate.
It felt good.

Rick was so great. Such a good sport. He has a wonderful way of allowing Rods memory and or presence be felt and yet still be there and be part of building new happy memories and traditions for myself and the kids. I love him and the blended life we are building.

Hope I'm doing the same with Anna's memory...
I think he would say I am.

1 comment:

Daisy said...

I love barns & I love you!