Sunday, July 20, 2008

Waxing; ouch, ouch, ouch and OUCH!

Maybe worse then the pain of getting my eyebrows waxed is what the lady says when I go;
"Why you no want your lip wax?" What wrong with my lip?
The first time I had my eyebrows waxed I was so not prepared for the pain. Mind you I've given birth naturally, I still think its right up there with pushing a watermelon out your bum, which is what natural childbirth feels like. After the first eye about got ripped off, I sat there with the other eye covered in wax and paper while 2 other women got their eyebrows waxed. I figured I could live with some paper on my eyebrow, anything to not have to remove it. I even asked the lady if she could pull super slow 1 hair at a time. My friend was quite embarassed, and I didn't wax again for many years.

Now I get my eyebrows done as rarely as possible, just before I get a unibrow, and I still hate it so much. So this trend towards waxing everything and I mean EVERYTHING is totally lost on me.

My hairy self finally feels vindicated; was reading recently that scientists believe the rash of quickie marriages/divorces that have increased in the last few years could be tied to waxing. Hear me out, this makes sense.
You know phermones, the scent or chemical you give off that determines if you are physically attracted to another person? Hence the term chemical reaction. Well phermones need a place to rest and they don't rest on the hair on our heads and they don't stick around on bareskin. So when we wax everything we are waxing our phermones right off. Hairless people are meeting other hairless people and they think they may be compatible but time goes by, a little hair grows, the phermones come out and WOOPS the chemical reaction is more like when I pour clorox bleach into clorox color safe bleach. Kaboom! No chemical attraction.

So glad my hairy self met my hairy husband when we were both hairy. Maybe thats why we've stayed married so long.

One thing though; If HotRod were to get a hairy back, I would beg him to go visit the "Why you no want your lip wax?" woman.


Mindy said...

I think I just peed my pants.

I'm not a waxer, either ... and I probably should be. I'd love to have no hair below my eyebrows. But since I'm resolved in my mammalhood, Steven and I will be able to stick it out until the bitter end

Shelley said... says our smelly selves are attracted to eachother. Hmmmm. Isn't science interesting? I'll keep my hairy self just that, hairy scary.

and lovin my man.

You're blog is fun, Jen!

Rachael said...

OHMYGOSH!!! I love your writing! And your tribute to hairyness (sp?). Jon and I joke that if co-ed naked ice climbing ever made the olympics, our genes would ROCK that event!!! Our being Italian and all... Can't wait to see you guys again!!!

Ashlyn & Joseph said...

I think I now know what I was doing wrong. I wax like everything , Im a very hairy woman if I dont !!!! Good one your just full of info Aunt Jenna